David De Gea: 5
It's been suggested that De Gea might have been a little slow changing direction for the first goal, a criticism that looks exceptionally harsh from the side-on replays, and possibly fair from behind. Had nothing else to do all night, bar pick an unstoppable second out of the net, and managed just fine.
Chris Smalling: 2
There have been times this season when Smalling has threatened to look like something more than just a back-up option at right-back. Tonight, he looked less than that. His passing was bad, his positioning was worse, he offered inadequacy going forward and insecurity at the back. And he fell over, neatly condensing the entire evening into one perfect moment of Vine-able hilarity.
Nemanja Vidic: 4
Looked good in comparison to his defensive partner, and made one goal-saving challenge early in the first-half. So he can have points for that. Had some shaky moments in the second half while United were attempting to pass the ball around at the back; perhaps he was just confused by what on earth was going on.
Rio Ferdinand: 1
Patrice Evra: 5
Picked up an early booking to raise everybody's blood pressure, but managed to avoid the inevitable second. As ever, got forward willingly if not always effectively, but never really combined with Ashley Young to any great effect.
Antonio Valencia: 2
There was a moment, early in the game, where Valencia looked as though he might be set for a pleasurable evening. He isolated his full-back, he did that jink he always does, and he found himself moving at pace, into space. Hearts rose. A nation held its breath. Then the cross sailed out for a goal-kick and it all went to cold porridge.
Michael Carrick: 1
Nutmeg completion percentage: 100%
tom cleverley: 1
You can have your capital letters back when you've earned them, tom, and not a second before. You may recall that cleverley recently claimed that nobody watching him -- that's you, dear reader -- really has any idea what he's supposed to be doing, or what he's good at. On the strength of this performance, nor does he.
Ashley Young: 3
Perhaps United's best player in the first half, which tells its own miserable story. Put in literally United's only dangerous cross of the evening after 80 minutes
Wayne Rooney: 1
Lots of running, lots of showing, lots of picking the ball up and looking busy. Nothing else. There are those that view this as being a good thing in its own right, rather than the bare minimum anybody should expect of anybody doing a thing, but there we are. You'd have been disappointed with his end product if he was on £30,000 a year.
Robin van Persie: 2
Pretty much entirely subdued for 80 minutes, then spaffed the chance -- the rare, the precious, the momentum-shifting, the face-saving, the optimism-firing chance -- over the bar. As to why, your options range from: complete and total non-arsedness; United's peculiar insistence on spending most of the game pretending that he's Duncan Ferguson; the whack on the side of the head he got after half an hour.
Not Adnan Januzaj (on for cleverley, 61'): 5
Moved intelligently and willingly in from the left, though most of the passes he received bounced either past or off him. Offered far more against a deep-sitting Olympiacos than any of his attacking colleagues.
Also Not Adnan Januzaj (on for Valencia, 61'): 4
Made precisely the impact that you'd expect from a player whose manager clearly doesn't rate him, who hasn't shown any real kind of form for months, who hasn't played for a fair while, and who was thrown on at 0-2 with everybody else playing like utter dreck.