New manager appointed within days — reports

Joern Pollex

According to the newspapers, the search for David Moyes's replacement is nearly at an end, and the new man could be confirmed in his position as early as next week.

*drum roll*

And the new manager of Manchester United ...

*further drums*

... according to Mark Ogden in the Telegraph ...

*slightly louder drums*

... and also according to James Ducker in the Times, which is behind a paywall ...

*faintly hysterical drums*

... to be confirmed in his job by the beginning of next week ...

*vaguely disappointed drums*

... pending a resolution of the question of Ryan Giggs's position within the coaching structure ...

*distinctly uninterested drums*

... though all sides are confident that this will pose no problem ...

*barely audible drums*

... to the extent that work has already begun on transfer targets ...

*slightly more interested drums*

... will be ...

*massive drums*

LOUIS!!! VAN!!! GAAL!!!

*trumpets, fireworks, dancers, elephants, streamers, cake, ticker tape, glitter, cheering, whooping, applause, explosions, sirens, majorettes, more cake, sousaphones, violins, cannons, trapezes, a slick guy in a suit pointing at the camera and smiling, doves, even more cake, fireballs, the massed ranks of the military marching past in perfect synchrony, acrobats, jugglers, magicians, cheerleaders, a dinosaur, champagne*

Reportedly.

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