Extremely important Marouane Fellaini news!

Jamie Squire

Are you sitting down? Seriously, are you sitting down?

HE (maybe, possibly, perhaps, a bit) HAS CUT OFF HIS HAIR.

We've no formal statement from the large, semi-competent midfielder so far, so all we can do is speculate as to his motives. Current TBB theories include:

- he's finally decided to take action over his belief that big hair gets him booked more often than other, shorter-haired players

- he lost a Low Countries World Cup progress bet with Robin van Persie

- this is the first stage of an elaborate disguise, designed to give him another crack at making a first impression. "Fellaini? No, not me. My name is Farouane Mellaini. Why yes, I do play in central midfield, why do you ask?"

- he, just by coincidence, has divested all his stocks and shares in ACME Wigs, Inc., the north-west's premiser manufacturer of low-cost low-quality hair-pieces

- he just got bored of having big hair and fancied a change

- he hasn't, in fact, cut his hair off, and the entire of the internet is being really quite silly.

More as we get it ...

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