Manchester United definitely haven't signed Fabio Coentrao

Manchester United have definitely not signed Fabio Coentrao, confirming that the transfer window has just been downgraded from "total disaster" to "adjectives which I am contractually obliged to refrain from publishing."

The slightly good news is that it wasn't entirely our fault, apparently down to Real Madrid failing to tie up a deal for Granada's Guilherme Sequeira, and thus being unwilling to release Coentrao to us.

So, Marouane Fellaini really was the sole first-team signing. While the fact we've got someone preferable to Anderson and Tom Cleverley should be applauded, you'd hope that the least the club could do is learn their lesson and go back early in January to strengthen us to the required amount.

We're supposed to still 'like' Ander Herrera, but apparently that release clause will be €40m in January. So good luck with getting the Glazers to fork out with that. We are in truly uncharted waters here now - I hoped that would be in a good way, by having a team with a functional midfield, but what happens the rest of this season now is anyone's guess.