Can you remember what noise you made when Radamel Falcao scored his first goal for Manchester United? A high-pitched squeal. A calm, controlled "Get in, son"? A deep, throaty bellow?
If you answered "I squawked 'Gol de Falcao'" then congratualations, you are Coco, the pet parrot of the Colombian forward. Would you like a cracker? Is Falcao's house nice? How, exactly, are you reading this?
Look, it's the international break. This means that instead of news, we get parrots. According to the Daily Mail, Falcao's wife Lorelei owns the parrot, which goes off talking every time her husband scores a goal. "My parrot says, 'goal from Falca', 'great goal' and more."
What that more might be, we don't know. "Watch out for the knee," maybe. "How have you missed that?" perhaps. "Look, Angel di Maria was shooting, so frankly the notion of an assist is completely worthless." No word on whether Wayne Rooney has a pet hippopotamus. We'll keep you posted.
UPDATE: Exclusive footage!