Taking the positives, we can at least be sure that whatever the source of Manchester United's injury curse, it's nothing to do with Old Trafford itself. Cross 'ancient Pictish burial ground' off the list. United's players are perfectly capable of injuring themselves all over the world, from Manchester to Glasgow, from the Netherlands to Belarus.
Let's start at home. Ángel Di María took part in a prestige friendly at Old Trafford, his (and, alright, Lionel Messi's) Argentina side taking on Nani's (and, okay, Cristiano Ronaldo's) Portugal. And it was rubbish. The Portuguese nicked the game's only goal in the 92nd minute, but even worse than the entertainment was the fact that Di María limped off part way through the second half after a heavy challenge from noted clever person Nani. United still pay your wages, you pillock. He's having x-rays, and it appears he's suffered a "minor cut".
Angel Di María "It was a real blow but I hope that I'll be able to play during the weekend".— Sivan John (@SivanJohn) November 18, 2014
Di María, incidentally, played 77 minutes earlier in the international break, as Argentina beat Croatia 2-1. Nobody stamped on his feet.
In other please-God-let-him-be-fit news, David de Gea dislocated his finger in training ahead of Spain's Euro 2016 qualifier against Belarus, and as such took no part in his country's games. Which means we have no interest in telling you what the scores were. Petty, yes, but there we are. You break Dave, tBB ignores you*. De Gea currently rates himself at "80 per cent" to face Arsenal on Sunday, and since four-fifths of a De Gea is worth at least three Lindegaard's, we think he'll start. Sorry, Anders.
No such luck for Daley Blind, who went over heavily on his left knee as the Netherlands took on Latvia. Whether his ligaments are torn rather than tweaked hasn't been made clear yet, but he's unlikely to be appearing for at least a month. Robin van Persie came through that game unscathed, however, and scored the opener in a comfortable 6-0 win.
Earlier in the week, the Dutch had lost 3-2 to Mexico (Blind scored in that game; Van Persie didn't play). As such, manager Guus Hiddink went into the Latvia game under serious pressure, but emerged still clinging to his job. For the moment. We mention this only because Daley's dad Danny is next in line for the gig, and we've a "Blind leading the Blind" joke all ready to go.
We should probably do England at some point, shouldn't we? Okay then. Roy Hodgson's men won both their games in acceptable style, emerging 3-1 winners over both a poor Slovenia and a disappointing Scotland. Wayne Rooney, inspirational captain that he is, scored one in the former and two in the latter, while Chris Smalling didn't get sent off like a pillock against the Scots, for whom Darren Fletcher played the second half. Luke Shaw also played in that game, though was removed late on with what looked suspiciously like a limp. We know, we know. Cross any of your fingers that aren't already crossed.
Down in the youth ranks, Josh Harrop started for England U20s in a 2-2 draw against their Canadian counterparts, while James Wilson came on as a late substitute in the same game. Both players then started the next game against Portugal, a 1-1 draw followed by a penalty shoot-out which England ... hang on, it says here that England won? Can that be right? Other ancillary England news: Rod Thornley and Tony Strudwick, two members of the United medical team, have ended their part-time roles with England and will now be devoted full-time to United's heaving sickbay.
Marouane Fellaini and Adnan Januzaj both started for Belgium in a 3-1 friendly win over Iceland, and though the young winger was dropped to the bench for their second game, a qualifier against Wales. He came on late and looked briefly threatening, though the other Red Devils were held to a 0-0 draw by Gareth Bale and company. No such luck for Paddy McNair, who didn't get off the bench for Northern Ireland in a 2-0 loss to Romania.
And that's more or less your lot. But let's end on a happy note, shall we? First, a few United players who sat the international are, if reports are to be believed, coming back to fitness. And second, there are no more international fixtures until next March. All hail mighty Pazuzu and his beneficence.
* Okay, okay. Spain beat Belarus 3-0 in a qualifier, then lost 1-0 to Germany in a friendly.