Good afternoon/morning/evening/other. In an hour or so, Manchester United will play Manchester City. You won't, of course, have been foolish enough to make any other plans, but if you have, cancel them now. It should be a cracker.
Despite having made a pretty rubbish start to the season, United go into the game in a pretty decent mood. Each game seems to represent an improvement on the last, and there were signs against Chelsea of the "balance" that Louis van Gaal craves. (There was also some bobbins. Let's gloss over the bobbins.) And while late equalisers aren't as good as late winners, they're a damn sight better than late nothing-much-at-all. According to the manager, United are "growing", and "developing", and he has a "good feeling about this match. So that's nice.
As for City, well, they're not in great form. Their last three games have amounted to a whole lot of not very much: a 2-0 loss at home to a second-string Newcastle in the League Cup, a 2-1 loss away against West Ham in the Premier League, and a very peculiar 2-2 draw against CSKA Moscow. Up front, Sergio Aguero is lethal; at the back, everybody's looked a bit shaky. So while they're probably favourites, they're there to be got at.
Last season, David Moyes' moysey boys were skelped 4-1, the first sign that things might be about to get hilariously awful at Old Trafford. Something better than that, please, Louis.
Manchester United: David De Gea, Antonio Valencia, Chris Smalling, Marcos Rojo, Luke Shaw, Daley Blind, Marouane Fellaini, Adnan Januzaj, Wayne Rooney, Angel Di Maria, Robin van Persie
Subs: Anders Lindegaard, Paddy McNair, Michael Carrick, Darren Fletcher, Ander Herrera, Juan Mata, James Wilson
Manchester City: Joe Hart, Pablo Zabaleta, Vincent Kompany, Martin Demichelis, Aleksandar Kolarov, Jesus Navas, Fernando, Yaya Toure, James Milner, Stevan Jovetic, Sergio Aguero
Subs: Willy Caballero, Gael Clichy, Bacary Sagna, Fernandinho, Dedrick Boyata, Edin Dzeko, Samir Nasri