According to the Sunday People, Manchester United will complete the signing of Sporting Lisbon midfielder William Carvalho before the beginning of the World Cup. United will pay the full £37m required by the player's release clause, which is a fair chunk of money for a 21-year-old with two international caps. Presumably the fee is inflated by the pencil moustache and the opportunity to call him Bill (it'll catch on, we promise).
Apparently Carvalho was given a tour of Carrington last week, and like the Glazers was so wowed by the iPads and whiteboards that he immediately decided to commit his future to David Moyes. For their next trick, the People go on to claim that United are "confident" that Toni Kroos will be next.
Which is your favourite of the done deals that haven't, in the end, been anything like done? This particular aspect of the TBB hivemind has always had a soft spot for Michael Ballack, and the gentleman's agreement that was definitely bringing him to Old Trafford. Who could have foreseen that turning out to be worthless?