Marouane Fellaini explains elbowing Pablo Zabaleta in the face

Of all the players that failed to cover themselves in glory on Tuesday evening, Marouane Fellaini was among the tallest. But in contrast to many of his colleagues, he did make some kind of impression on the game.

Some, quite rightly, will condemn such behaviour and wonder how on earth he wasn't sent off. Others, quite rightly, will condemn such behaviour, wonder how on earth he wasn't sent off, yet find time to acknowledge that it's just a little bit pleasing to have a bit of violence back in the middle of the park. Less idiotic violence would be preferable, but these days, you take what you can get. Anyway, Fellaini has today addressed the matter, and has completely failed to apologise profusely. As recorded in the Daily Mail:

I certainly didn't do it on purpose. I put my arm up to try and protect possession of the ball, and Zabaleta bounced [his jaw] against it. He was unlucky to make contact. The movement by me was not in an aggressive manner.

Right, Marouane. Right. Anyway, referee Michael Oliver saw it and dealt with it at the time, so there will be no further action from the FA. This may please or enrage you. In the meanwhile, Fellaini has moved to address rumours of his involvement in other, unrelated matters.

"Come on now. I didn't inhale, the smoke just flew into my mouth."

"Officer, please. I was just leaning out of the window of the Book Depository and President Kennedy was unfortunate to headbutt my bullet. Look, there, forward and to the right."

"Look, I was just autographing the desk, when a panicked man with glasses and stubble and slid a contract underneath the pen. I want to go home. Can I go home, please? I want to go home."