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In entirely non-predictable and completely surprising news, it looks as though Toni Kroos will not be joining Manchester United this summer. Bayern Munich Chairman Karl-Heinz Rummenigge today informed German newspaper Bild that "Toni Kroos wird gesichert auch im nächsten Jahr das Trikot von Bayern München tragen".
Rummenigge verspricht: "Toni Kroos wird gesichert auch im nächsten Jahr das Trikot von Bayern München tragen!" Jetzt fliegen die Bayern ab.
— BILD FC Bayern (@BILD_Bayern) March 31, 2014
Which means, at according to Google Translate, "Toni Kroos is secured in the next year wearing the shirt of Bayern Munich". "Under the shirt of Manchester United, Rummenigge failed to add. "When he's unwinding in his palatial mansion in Cheshire, for sentimental reasons," he also didn't say.
Note that "in the next year" doesn't mean that Kroos has signed a new deal. Perhaps they've simply agreed that he will leave on a Bosman at the end of next season. Perhaps there's still hope. Perhaps we can spend another year greedily hoovering up news reports and inserting him into fantasy XIs, only to suffer at the end. In the meantime, just sit back and imagine the boost this will have given Tom Cleverley's confidence before tomorrow. He'll be unstoppable.