Unsettled striker flattered by United interest

It must be weird, being friends with a footballer. There you are, chatting away, and suddenly Edinson says something like "I would be a perfect fit in England, and I know that Manchester United, Manchester City and Chelsea are interested". Which is slightly weird, since you were talking about the weather, but no matter. He's a funny guy like that.

Then, a few minutes later, he says something along the lines of "I know United are the most keen, and that is a factor. The lack of any European football next season does not concern me". Which again, is a bit odd, since you'd only asked if he wanted another cup of tea. But hey, footballers are footballers, and presumably this stuff plays on their minds. It was only yesterday that he was telling you that both he and Ezequiel Lavezzi were ready to leave Paris for good.

And then it hits you: you're supposed to tell the press about this! That's what friends are for. So you call up Martin Lipton of the Mirror and you tell him all about it, and he thanks you, and a couple of days later the story appears, just like that. Everybody's happy. Well, except Laurent Blanc, presumably. And whichever poor sod has to try to figure out how to play Cavani, Wayne Rooney and Robin van Persie in the same team. But that, well, that's somebody else's problem. Your work here is done.