No, Guardiola isn't coming to United

Obviously, most of you get all of your Manchester United information right here, from your super soaraway Busby Babe. But those of you that venture further abroad -- no, don't worry, we're not angry -- may have seen in passing the following headline, which is currently attracting attention over on the Daily Telegraph's website:

Pep Guardiola puts Manchester United on alert after issuing ultimatum to Bayern Munich board

Pretty exciting stuff, hey?

It's nonsense, of course. Ever since Guardiola's Bayern side were shredded into tiny pieces by Real Madrid, he's been fielding questions about the death of tiki-taka, the death of his philosophy, the death of all his ideals and hopes. And he has responded by saying the below, which from one angle looks like a fairly innocent if slightly testy response to yet another question about what has, all things considered, been quite a good season. From another, naturally, it's a "back-me-or-sack-me" ultimatum.

The club must decide if the coach is the right one for the club. I have my ideas and I have to convince my players. Following this defeat I am even more convinced of my philosophy ... I am surprised that we did it so well in this season. We showed a lot of good things. I am satisfied with this squad. We were outstanding with this system and these players.

But where do United come in? Nowhere. Guardiola hasn't mentioned the club. Sources close to Guardiola haven't mentioned the club. Sources close to sources close to the Guardiola haven't mentioned the club. A cynic might conclude that United's excited alertness consists, in this case, of nothing more than simply existing without a permanent manager for a few more days. The glorious dream of Phil Jones and Marouane Fellaini tippy-tappying the ball around Old Trafford remains just that.