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Sunderland 1-1 Manchester United: Player ratings, in Youtube form

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Nope, still can't bring ourselves to write about that match. So here's the player ratings, in audiovisual form.

Laurence Griffiths

We'd really rather not talk about today, so here is our more considered report, analysing the performance of each player in detail. Via the form of Youtube videos, because not only was it a pathetic performance, but it was the same godawful rubbish we've put up with every week for years, and frankly, we're sick of it. We're sorry it's come to this, cheap gags and nonsense, but if you don't laugh, and sign Arturo Vidal, Angel di Maria, Mehdi Benatia and Daley Blind, you'll cry, right?

David de Gea 6

Phil Jones 3

Chris Smalling 3

Tyler Blackett 5

OK, I couldn't really find a video that said "you didn't do that badly, but you really should be nowhere near our starting eleven at the moment." Suggestions in the comments.

Antonio Valencia 4

Tom Cleverley 1

Darren Fletcher 2

Ashley Young 2

Juan Mata 5

Robin van Persie 4

Wayne Rooney 3

Adnan Januzaj 7