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Van Persie too injured to wear a tuxedo

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Manchester United's Dutchman will not be flying to Switzerland ...

Clive Mason/Getty Images

When it comes to coping mechanisms, there's no better way to get over a disappointing result than slipping into your best suit, strolling down a red carpet as the flashbulbs pop, and spending an evening drinking somebody else's champagne. At least, so tBB imagines, as we sit at home wearing an anorak, drinking flat Irn Bru. We are not the kind of personages who get to soothe our souls in such style. Robin van Persie, though. He definitely is.

Oh no!

After his hilarious, ludicrous dolphin goal against Spain at the World Cup was shortlisted for the FIFA Puskas award, poor Robin was due to spend his evening in Zurich being feted by the great and good. Smiling thinly at Sepp Blatter's hideous visage. Clapping politely as either Stephanie Roche or James Rodriguez win the award or, alternatively, nodding modestly as they applaud him. Having, yes, just one more glass: United aren't on again until Saturday, so it'll be fine.

But no. Instead, he'll be lying on a bed, his body racked with inconvenient pain, thinking about where it all went wrong. Which, come to think of it, is much the same as tBB's plans for this evening/every evening. We feel you, Robin. We feel you.