So this winter Manchester United are set to sign (in no particular order) Mats Hummels, Ron Vlaar, Raphaël Varane, Marquinhos, Fabian Schär, Kevin Strootman, Nathaniel Clyne, Séamus Coleman, perhaps Luis Suárez and almost certainly Lionel Messi. Isn't that right Louis? Go on, tell us who we're going to sign!
"I don't think we shall be very active."
Oh. And why might that be?
"Not many players at a certain level are available. I have also said when we have to buy a player he has to be better than our players who are now playing now and that is a difficult job."
Now you're really pulling our leg.
If United aren't going to be active in the transfer window, it's safe to say that it isn't because of a shortage of better players out there. Let's hope van Gaal is just up to his old mischievous self, because if United's collective management can't think of a superior player to Chris Smalling, we're probably in quite a bit of bother ...