Jose Mourinho claims Alex Ferguson could not persuade him to join Manchester United

Jose Mourinho has said that Alex Ferguson could not have tempted him to Manchester United, to which we say: Ahem. That's in the Guardian, and with trouble at Chelsea, and boredom at Old Trafford, let's wait and see how this one plays out over the next year.

Alex Ferguson has been adding yet more wibble to the fire, saying that if Ryan Giggs had retired earlier he would already be Manchester United manager. That's true, maybe, because his constant manoeuvring and undermining of David Moyes, and the Class of '92 nonsense has already made it much less likely that he's getting the chance in the near future. That's in the Telegraph.

Karl-Heinz Rummenigge became so fed up with United's constant bids for Thomas Muller that he had to tell them to stop contacting them. Still, nice to know Louis van Gaal and Ed Woodward weren't wasting half their time this summer instead of actually reinforcing the squad where it was needed, eh?

Wayne Rooney's kitchen cost £150,000, it says here in the Mirror. That's roughly how much we pay him for each weekly, terrible 45 minutes. Good on him!