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Neither Memphis nor Robin van Persie want for ego, which is why this put down from Memphis to Van Persie is so funny. During a training ground row, Van Persie said to Memphis, "Do you think you're a big boy?" after he had failed to pass to the striker. Memphis replied, "Do big boys play for Fenerbache?" Nice comeback. You can read the full story in the Telegraph.
John Stones will cost around £45 million to buy from Everton. United currently have Phil Jones and Daley Blind, which makes Rio Ferdinand correct when he tells United to buy Stones. You can read about that in the Manchester Evening News.
Toni Kroos has been linked with a move to United after losing interest in being managed by Rafael Benitez, which is fair enough. You can read about that in the Mirror, where there is also a story saying that Neymar has had his head turned by United's interest. What's wrong with him?
In the Daily Mail, Louis van Gaal is quoted as saying that he doesn't want to finish his career with the sack. Well, then, he'd better get another job after this one, as he doesn't look like he'll last much longer.
Ahead of Manchester United's game against Norwich today, you can read Jack Sargeant's excellent preview here, see where and when to watch it here, and suggest your line-up for the game here.