Manchester United are top of the league!

If ever they're playing in your town
Get yourself to that football ground
Come along and you will see
A squad blighted by injury
Oh, Manchester ... Manchester United!

Thanks to Chelsea's victory over Leicester City last night, Manchester United are no longer able to win the Premier League. However, this is football, and if a team can't get its hands on one trophy there's always another. And so, with just four games left in the season, it is with some excitement that we can confirm that Manchester United are top of the injury table. Have that, Arsenal! This title will be ours!

Thanks to the Telegraph we know that United have suffered a "staggering 68 different injuries" since last August, and that's just Phil Jones. Chortle. Actually, United's most-injured player has been Luke Shaw, who has acquired six separate crockages in the course of the season. Ángel Di María comes in second with five, but more importantly, perhaps, a remarkable seven players have had four each.

Champions-elect Chelsea, by contrast, have only had 43 injuries all campaign, which means that their eventual triumph will be forever tainted. Would they be so far ahead if they'd had to play Jon Obi Mikel all season? Would they heck as like.