Happy Birthday, Patrice Evra

Nelson Mandela. Jesus Christ. Joseph Stalin. All men of great historical importance, and in the eyes of various groups, heroes. But as divisive as all those figures can be for those with other beliefs, there is one man who unites the world, except Liverpool fans who don't like him because, well, you know they're, er... politically incorrect.

But we are gathered here to celebrate the first 34 years of this great man, Patrice Evra's, life. After a difficult 18 months - at least - at Manchester United, where he struggled for form and focus at left-back, he signed a new contract in the summer and was expected to stay for at least one more year under Louis van Gaal.

Then Juventus came in with a small offer, and Van Gaal reluctantly but graciously allowed him to leave and enjoy a new life at Juventus. He wouldn't have to endure a transitional period at United, but instead could go on to a ready-made new, exciting team to achieve things in a new country. He has the Serie A title, and is now in the Champions League final against Barcelona. You can talk about Paul Pogba, Arturo Vidal and Carlos Tevez, but be reasonable. They had all these players last year and got nowhere near the final, going out in the group stages. With Evra present, he has guided them to the Champions League final.

Anyway, here's some of his finest moments. What a man.

Here he is celebrating his triumph over racism:

Here he is scoring the most ridiculous goal of his career, one that was a floating balloon in a sea of bobbing condoms that was the Moyes season.

Here is Evra telling Lampard to suck his pussy:

Here is the man still knowing how to make all United fans go a little rubbery:

Happy Birthday, Patrice Evra!