Do you like contradictory accounts of a story going off the same set of quotations? Us too. They are our lifeblood. So let's get analysing. You can read all about Louis van Gaal throwing Angel Di Maria's future into doubt in The Guardian, or you could read the same thing in The Telegraph and draw the conclusion that, actually, you spanner, Di Maria is likely to stay next year. From these two stories you might decide that Di Maria's future hasn't been sorted, he might leave if there's a decent offer, but as it is nothing is arranged one way or another, and you would be right to think that.
Elsewhere in The Telegraph, there's a story about Gareth Bale and his move to Manchester United. It's on! Or off! Or neither, because it's only the start of May and transfers won't really start properly for another few weeks, at least. Still, it's Jim White, and he's sometimes worth your time. Read about it here. And rue how we missed out on him in 2007 here. Bale, that is, not White.
There had been rumours that Wayne Rooney could be out for several weeks with a knee injury suffered against Everton. At least it gives him an excuse for a terrible performance, but luckily - or not - for Manchester United, he appears to be fit for the West Brom game after all. That's what ESPN think, anyway. So if it all turns out to be wrong, you can't blame it on us.
Andreas Pereira is a young player at Manchester United, and therefore everyone thinks he's definitely going to leave and be brilliant elsewhere. Instead, he has signed a new contract, so we can all start to be disappointed with him. The Mirror have the details.