Good morning. Yesterday English people elected a Conservative government for Great Britain, for another five years. It went dreadfully for the previous five years, and will be worse in this one. Still, at least Manchester United exist to distract us all from the concerns that we're all going to watch the most vulnerable in society suffer further, all to line the pockets of the rich.
Bart Vlietsa has written an extensive article on Memphis Depay, who yesterday agreed to join United in the summer, subject to a medical. You might like to read it here, in The Guardian, and work out who Depay reminds you of. We can but hope.
The Telegraph also have us covered for Depay content, and here Depay describes why he joined them. It isn't about the money apparently. Indeed, he appears to have turned down higher wages at Paris Saint-Germain. So at least we'll know where he'll go in three years. Also in The Telegraph, Jose Mourinho has given his players four days off ahead of the Liverpool game, so now is the time to start fearing the worse about the state they'll be in when they play Liverpool at the weekend.
Onto The Mirror, who say that Manchester United are actually 'first in line' for Gareth Bale should he become available. This is already in no way tedious.
Andy Mitten has previewed the match against Crystal Palace for ESPNFC. As always, you can trust Mitten to do talk sense about United, and so you can have a read of it here.
Right, that's your lot. It's too depressing to go on today. Five more years of Tory rule. Unbelievable, the amount of selfish and venal people in this country. Truly, some decent people will suffer. Let's all move to Scotland, they're much nicer up there.