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Right, quite a miserable day, all told, so let's just run through this as swiftly as possible and then we can all go back to bed.
Louis van Gaal says Angel Di Maria missed the flight to join up with United. What a clown! His new team-mates at PSG are in America too. This might be one of the stupidest protests of all time. You can read about that here, and also Laurent Blanc saying there's a good chance he'll be joining PSG here, both on ESPNFC.
He might have just been told not to travel, though.
Chelsea have got on Everton's wick with their public bid for John Stones, a low on of £20 million. As a result, United have nudged Everton politely, smiled, rubbed their back, and said if they ever want to sell him to anyone, then they'll treat Everton right, with dignity and respect. That's in the Mirror here.
The Telegraph have done a five things we learned about a friendly. You can read that here while I go to locate a Derringer, a whisky bottle, and a locked room.