You want attractive football? You want attractive football? Well, here's Marouane Fellaini!
Quite what Louis van Gaal is up to is anybody's guess, but the big, bumbling Belgian forms one third of United's midfield tonight, alongside Morgan Schneiderlin and Ander Herrera, who will presumably play furthest forward. In front of him, Wayne Rooney! He's playing as a striker, while Anthony Martial, Manchester United's best striker, is playing on the left wing.
On the other wing is Jesse Lingard; Juan Mata has been relegated to the naughty step after one too many neat, tidy, ineffective performances.
The defensive side of the team is much as you'd expect, given the state of things. David de Gea starts in goal, for the greatest suffering is that which has no end. In front of him, Ashley Young and Matteo Darmian are the fullbacks, while Chris Smalling and Daley Blind will do their central thing.
Should the game not go to plan — "plan"! — then United's options on the bench are, beyond Mata, not overwhelmingly powerful. Memphis Depay, Andreas Pereira, Paddy McNair and Cameron Borthwick-Jackson are joined by youngster James Weir, in the first-team squad for the first time. Congratulations to him. Sergio Romero's there too, obviously.
In the absence of a How to Watch post today (apologies), this will be the live thread for the game. Hop to it.