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An Englishman and a Dutchman walk into a bar. The barman says "Why the long face?" The Dutchman says "I cannot do my job any more, and must resign." The Englishman hides in the toilet.
* * *
Why did Ed Woodward cross the road?
Because Louis van Gaal was trying to resign.
* * *
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Louis van Gaal. Listen, Ed, we need to talk—
I'm sorry, you've got the wrong house. There's no Ed here. Goodbye. Please don't resign again.
* * *
Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says "I resign." The other fish ignores him.
* * *
What do you say to a man with Mr Potato crisps in his ears?
"I resign." But he can't hear you.
* * *
What do you call a man with a resignation in his hand?
Louis van Gaal.
And what do you call a man without a resignation in his hand?
Ed Woodward.
* * *
What's yellow and dangerous?
Ed Woodward.
* * *
How many Ed Woodwards does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it, one to negotiate a deal with a preferred lightbulb partner, and none to accept Louis van Gaal's resignation.
* * *
"Hey, Ed. How many official noodles partners can you fit in a Mini?"
"None. Manchester United are partnered with Audi. Er, you haven't seen Louis anywhere, have you? I'm trying to stay out of his way."
* * *
What's red and angry and goes up and down?
Louis van Gaal. In a lift. Looking for Ed Woodward. To resign.