Here are some jokes about Manchester United

An Englishman and a Dutchman walk into a bar. The barman says "Why the long face?" The Dutchman says "I cannot do my job any more, and must resign." The Englishman hides in the toilet.

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Why did Ed Woodward cross the road?

Because Louis van Gaal was trying to resign.

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Knock knock.

Who's there?

Louis van Gaal. Listen, Ed, we need to talk—

I'm sorry, you've got the wrong house. There's no Ed here. Goodbye. Please don't resign again.

* * *

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says "I resign." The other fish ignores him.

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What do you say to a man with Mr Potato crisps in his ears?

"I resign." But he can't hear you.

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What do you call a man with a resignation in his hand?

Louis van Gaal.

And what do you call a man without a resignation in his hand?

Ed Woodward.

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What's yellow and dangerous?

Ed Woodward.

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How many Ed Woodwards does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it, one to negotiate a deal with a preferred lightbulb partner, and none to accept Louis van Gaal's resignation.

* * *

"Hey, Ed. How many official noodles partners can you fit in a Mini?"

"None. Manchester United are partnered with Audi. Er, you haven't seen Louis anywhere, have you? I'm trying to stay out of his way."

* * *

What's red and angry and goes up and down?

Louis van Gaal. In a lift. Looking for Ed Woodward. To resign.