After managing to beat Derby County, Manchester United manager Louis van Gaal has revealed he still has the support of Ed Woodward, showing what a terrible man Woodward is for the club. You can read about that in the Manchester Evening News.
We couldn't face watching any more of the match last night, so you can read the Daily Mail's account of it here, should you wish to relive the pain.
The Mirror has a story about how Paris Saint-Germain, Real Madrid and Manchester United are going about trying to sign Neymar. They have predicted the correct manner in which United would sign him, at least.
On ESPNFC, Van Gaal has said that the win against Derby has restored the side's confidence. If beating that shower last night restores your confidence, then you have absolutely no idea about what winning football matches against decent sides actually requires. They're doomed!
Are we signing anyone? Well, what do you think? Sixth place, here we come. If we're lucky.