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Manchester United inexplicably want to sign Danny Rose from Spurs

Manchester United apparently want to sign Renato Sanches, Danny Rose and Sadio Mane.

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Clive Rose/Getty Images

Danny Rose. The Mirror. Just what is the point? He's 25 and he can defend, but apparently he's one of the players we're looking at buying before the end of the transfer window. There is absolutely no way that this should happen, and it's probably nonsense, but this is Manchester United, a joke of a club, with a pack of clowns at the top. Incidentally, what is the collective noun for clowns? A circus? A pennywise? A woodward?

The Telegraph says that United are going for Sadio Mane again, and they're in competition with West Ham. If he has any sense he'll join West Ham, what with them playing enjoyable football, and looking like their manager doesn't make them consider whether life really is a viable option.

In the Manchester Evening News, they report that United are in talks for Renato Sanches. A teenage midfielder is precisely what they need to rescue their season, obviously.

This is in the Mail, and it's hard to know where to start with the intro.

Right, only a few more months of him left.