Did you watch England play Slovenia on Tuesday night? What's that? Better things to do, you say? Wet paint to keep an eye on?
Well, you didn't miss much. The highlights were, in ascending order: Joe Hart making far too many saves for English comfort; Eric Dier and Jordan Henderson competing to see who could pull off the worst backpass; and, following a bad challenge by Gary Cahill, the vaguely amusing sight of Jesse Lingard trying to fight the entire Slovenian team.
That's right. Jesse Lingard. That Jesse Lingard. Bless him.
What Lingard lacks in size and visible hardness he apparently makes up for in spirit and protective instincts. The Mirror reckon they've cracked the reason for his sudden, peculiar outburst: Aljaz Struna, Slovenia's no. 23, "appeared to stick his fist into the throat" of Marcus Rashford. Down came the red mist and over went Lingard, steam coming out of his ears. Hey! You! You in the weird spearmint shirt! You leave our Marcus alone!
Eventually he had to be dragged away by Joe Hart, but not before the world took notice. Pugilistically-inclined defenders of the Premier League, you have been warned. Rashford's got protection. Rashford's got connections. Rashford's got Lingard in his corner. Beware.