United "hold talks" over Atletico superstar

If there's one thing Manchester United like doing more than signing sponsorship deals, it's taking that money and splurging it on really fancy footballers. And next summer's principal target is, if the Mirror's information is good, Atletico Madrid and France forward Antoine Griezmann. Apparently "talks have been held".

Ed Woodward has been doing the talking, apparently, though we don't know who was listening. But the newspaper reckons that (a) Atletico are resigned to losing their diminutive superstar next summer, and (b) Griezmann, having rejected Paris Saint-Germain, is eyeing the Premier League. So it all wraps up nice and neatly, except for the fact that Chelsea might be interested as well. Step back, Chelsea! Ed Woodward is here!

One in means one out, of course, and the Mirror have joined the dots and concluded (not unreasonably) that Griezmann's arrival would mean Wayne Rooney's departure. United's captain "will be given the chance to make lucrative moves either to China or the USA once Griezmann is landed". We like Griezmann, a lot, so we're going to let hope override expectation and give this rumour seven comedy telephone celebrations out of ten.