Manchester United weigh up £100 million Wayne Rooney offer from China

In the Mirror, there's a story covering Manchester United fans reacting to the defeat in Denmark, with the fans accurately describing the players as 'fucking shite' during chants. I didn't watch it, as I'm taking a break to reinvigorate my life and feeding my spiritual needs - based around increasing the amount of chips and cheese in my diet - but if it's anything like United have played in the last four months then yes, we were indeed fucking shite.

The Telegraph says that Louis van Gaal should be sacked now. Yes, but he should also have been sacked three months ago.

Confirmation of David de Gea's injury in the warm-up before the game last night can be found in the Guardian. Luckily Van Gaal's squad management is so brilliant he retained Victor Valdes in cas- Oh.

Still, some good news! Marouane Fellaini is suspected of having torn his hamstring, so at least that means United's useless clown can't pick his favourite useless clown for a few weeks at least. Just imagine, we'll have to see Van Gaal's face in May, still managing United. You can read about that injury in the Manchester Evening News.

Lastly, on ESPNFC is the rumour that Manchester United are considering a £27 million bid for Wayne Rooney from a Chinese Super League club. They'd make back (less inflation costs and wages) their original investment in Rooney, and Rooney would become staggeringly more staggeringly rich. Not that you can imagine he'd go to China, though.