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Louis van Gaal wants Manchester United extra "horny" against Midtjylland

We hope that wasn't the word he was looking for.

This clip comes courtesy of yesterday's pre-Midtjylland press conference. Yes, that really is Louis van Gaal demanding that Manchester United are a little more "horny" for the big games. We do hope it was a case of catastrophic translation failure, though I suppose we're at the stage where trying just about anything is a worthwhile exercise.

There are several golden moments in this short video: first, the incredible stress van Gaal places on "horny". Bear in mind this is a man who once asserted his authority by dropping his trousers in front of a dressing room of Bayern Munich stars; a man so often cast as an evil dictator, an Iron Tulip who rules by the iron fist. Here he is, giving the rousing battle cry of a braying commander-in-chief. DESIRE. YES! HUNGER! YES! HORNINESS! ... YE ... erm, what?

There's then the following few frames, in which van Gaal scans the room, reflecting on the rousing rallying call, his stern face full of pride and self-satisfaction. That'll teach them. He imagines Midtjylland quaking in their boots.

But what is this? Journalists start to chuckle, Van Gaal becomes cognisant of his grave error. Louis, we don't really think that's what you meant.

Perhaps the absolute peak comes just after van Gaal turns to Juan Mata on his right, a man whose English is more than good enough to understand where his boss had just gone wrong. Van Gaal, searching to revive his ailing authority, asks him, "it's true, isn't it?" Yes Juan, aren't you all horny before matches? "Yes boss". The little Spaniard suddenly feels the glare of the world's media bearing down on him; he scratches his ear with all of the embarrassment of a young child at a family reunion. His mouth falls slightly open, aghast. Just. Make. It. End.

It does. And then you hit that play button again.