In the Mirror, there's confirmation that our eyes did not deceive us. So, er, yes, Manchester United won a game in the Premier League. Stoke were almost unimaginably bad, but that wouldn't have stopped United being worse in past games. A big old success. I can't remember what happens now.
The Daily Mail has a story that Ryan Giggs was absent from the match last night as he was on compassionate leave due to a family illness. Nevertheless, it's nice to spot a correlation between him being away and United winning a match.
And the Telegraph has a headline saying that Wayne Rooney is peaking when it matters. No, he isn't, because the last two and a half years also mattered. His improvement is remarkable though. If he keeps it up, there's a Champions League place to win.
So don't be surprised that on ESPNFC, Louis van Gaal is quoted as saying Rooney is 'undroppable'. Of course he is, because the club didn't bother to buy a proper squad to replace him when he's off his game.
The Manchester Evening News have a story from Van Gaal about why Juan Mata started. It's not very interesting, but it beats reading his excuses.