The general pattern of things at Old Trafford these days is as follows: whenever something embarrassing happens on the pitch, a big name appears in the rumours to take everybody's mind off things. And names literally don't come much bigger than "Zlatan Ibrahimovic". That's seventeen letters.
Anyway, United are going to offer the 34-year-old diva a contract in the summer, with the hope that he'll score a few goals and mentor the youngsters in the art of self-promotion, taekwondo, and larrupping overhead kicks past Joe Hart. That's in L'Equipe, or the Guardian if you prefer an English version.
The Mirror are reporting that Wayne Rooney's return from his latest knee injury has been delayed. This is a "blow", apparently. Given how long Rooney takes to spin up to something like form after every injury, and given the rumours linking him with China, it's time to start wondering if he'll ever get that scoring record.
Finally, in some actual transfer news, Manchester United have picked up Matthew Olusunde, an 18-year-old fullback from the New York Red Bulls. The Daily Mail claim he's "highly rated", and SB Nation's Red Bulls' blog Once a Metro have a more extensive scouting report here. "One of the top fullback prospects in the US," apparently.