Surprise! Renato Sanches is not joining Manchester United

Pour one out for the saga that never was. Renato Sanches' move to Manchester United had everything: an exciting super-agent link, a national connection to United's possibly-next manager, the prospect of Ed Woodward getting taken for an absolutely colossal fee. It could have run all summer ... but Bayern Munich have ruined it by signing the player with a minimum of fuss.

It seems the chance to play for a side that wins the title every season, regularly reaches the late stages of the Champions League, and will be next season managed by noted nice guy Carlo Ancelotti has proved more tempting for Renato Sanches than the prospect of playing in midfield alongside Wayne Rooney and Marouane Fellaini. So it goes. For what it's worth, somebody once told this particular aspect of the Busby Babe that Renato Sanches was, and we quote, "not all that", so there's some comfort for you.

(As if to rub it in, they've signed Mats Hummels as well. What did our transfer rumours ever do to you?)

All that said, the real lesson here is, of course, to be very, very liberal with your pinches of salt when it comes to the transfer marker. If he's not standing next to Bobby Charlton holding something with Chevrolet written on it, he's not a Manchester United player.