In news that can only be described as the complete opposite of a surprise, Marouane Fellaini has been charged with violent conduct by the FA. Well, technically he's been charged with "alleged violent conduct", but come on: he tried to elbow Robert Huth in the mouth, hit him in the throat, and then caught him one around the face for good measure.
Huth has also been charged for his part in the incident, and we finally get to find out exactly how serious an offence the FA considers hairpulling to be. We're going to predict a three-game ban for Fellaini, just the one for Huth, and nothing at all for Louis van Gaal despite his brutal assault on a Sky Sports reporter.
If we're right, then Fellaini will miss the last three games of the league season: away at Norwich City, away at West Ham United, and at home to Bournemouth. That middle game will be a particular loss, since the sight of Fellaini and Andy Carroll wrestling together is as compelling a spectacle as modern football has to offer. But unless the FA sees fit to go to four games or more, then he will be back in contention for the FA Cup final. Fellaini has until Wednesday evening to respond to the charge.