According to a story in the Mirror, Renato Sanches is excited and prepared for a move to Manchester United from Benfica in the summer. Don't you sometimes look at teenage signings, remember the teenage signings from a decade ago, and realise that the circuitous guff of football will never, ever end, and that expectations are only fleetingly, if ever, met? No, me neither. Let's hope this guy is brilliant!
The Telegraph has got worse since I last posted here.
The Sun have a story that Jose Mourinho was asked to wait a year to take over at United. It's worth noting that past tense, so we can all hope that he is not still being asked to wait. It certainly doesn't have their best journalist as a byline, so don't worry too much.
In the Daily Mail, there's a story that Mourinho went for a walk. I can only apologise we didn't break that news first.
And in the Manchester Evening News, there's a story about why Mourinho isn't manager yet. I'll not spoil the surprise, because I haven't read it.