Heavy rain and a mess of a pitch led to the cancellation of today's preseason friendly against Manchester City. But no matter! The Busby Babe is proud to present this exclusive Choose Your Own Match Report. Simply decide how the game would have gone, then delete the alternative options and [enjoy/despair at] how United might have got on.
Manchester United today completed their two-game preseason tour of China with a [resounding win/embarrassing loss/irrelevant training session] against Manchester City. United fielded a [strong/weak/mixed] lineup; Jose Mourinho had clearly decided to prioritise [victory/avoiding injury/making sure everybody in the squad got a runout].
In driving rain and on a dubious pitch, United took an early lead. Not quite ten minutes had passed when [Juan Mata/Marouane Fellaini] sent a [delicate through ball/skipping miscontrol] through a disorganised City back four, and Will Keane poked home. The lead didn't last long, however, as Kelechi Iheanacho levelled things up from fifteen yards following an appalling mistake from [Phil Jones/Phil Jones/Phil Jones].
[United/City] then pulled away in the second half, as Mourinho's men [clicked into a higher gear/collapsed like a drunken giraffe]. [United's/City's] second came within a minute of the restart: Luke Shaw [powered forward down the left, then whipped over a fizzing cross/lost his man at the far post], leaving [Henrikh Mkhtariyan/Sergio Aguero] with the simplest of finishes. The third arrived five minutes later, when Chris Smalling ran [free from his marker to nod home a corner/into Phil Jones, leaving Aguero clear].
At this stage, the substitutions started to roll and the game lost what little shape it had. But there was enough time for a [promising/worrying] cameo from Wayne Rooney, who came on to play as a striker and looked [bright and refreshed/like a footballer who's spent the last ten months pretending to be a midfielder, badly, and has now forgotten how to do anything else]. [United/City] scored their fourth and last when Rooney, with his back to goal, [tucked a neat pass through to Marcus Rashford, who finished low under Joe Hart/misplaced a simple layoff and sparked a City counterattack]. Mourinho looked [delighted/like a man who wanted to kick a puppy].
With this [win/loss] Mourinho has [struck an early blow against/been humiliated once again by/shared a training session with] Pep Guardiola, City's new manager. The rivalry between the two managers is set to be a [fascinating subplot/ghastly distraction] of the upcoming Premier League campaign, and this result, from a United perspective, bodes [well/poorly/nothing whatsoever].
Of perhaps greater importance, however, is the fact that [nobody/loads and loads and loads of players, including all your favourites] picked up injuries in the course of the game. As such, United look likely to begin the season with a [full squad/bizarre, improvised arrangement of kids and squad players], just as their manager would have [hoped/dreaded]. Mourinho will be [thanking his lucky stars/spitting blood].
Preseason continues next Saturday, 30 August, with a game against Galatasaray in Ullevi, Sweden, which [is sure to be a fascinating contest/we had literally forgotten about until just a second ago when we checked]. Zlatan Ibrahimovic will likely make his first appearance in a United shirt, and so begin his [fundamentally charming/inevitably tiresome] path towards [cult heroism/retirement]. And might there be a new midfielder, too? [Cross your fingers and hope for Pogba./No chance. Sake, Ed.]