And just like that, we're back again. The 2016-17 Premier League season sort-of begins this afternoon with English football's traditional curtain-raiser, the Charity/Community/Third Sector Shield. Manchester United earned their place by winning the FA Cup — thanks Louis! thanks Juan! — and will be playing league champions Leicester ... er, City ... wait, it says "Leicester City" here. Is that right?
Of course it is! Last season, football stuck a pair of pants on its head, stuck two pencils up it nose and started saying "wibble" at the slightest provocation. So don't be too surprised if this afternoon serves up another surprise, another win for the puckish upstarts over the established big beasts. That's right, Manchester United might win.
Ho ho ho. In fact, Jose Mourinho has been muttering darkly/getting his excuses in early, after preseason didn't quite go according to plan. United, accordingly, may look a little undercooked and confused this afternoon, as the team attempt to readjust to his methods while they build up their fitness. Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Henrikh Mkhtariyan and Eric Bailly are all in line to make their debuts, though it seems unlikely that P*** P**** will ascend from the centre circle at half time. A shame. Sort it out, Ed.
HOW TO WATCH
When: 16:00 UK time, 11:00 Eastern American Chronology
Where: Wembley, London
Television: BT Sport 2 in the UK, FOX Sports 1 in the USA; for the rest of the world, livesoccertv has you covered
Online: BT's online player app thing over here, Fox Soccer 2GO over there
This will also be our Live Thread for the game, so if you're watching near a computer, do stick around and share the pain below.