David de Gea: 6
Couldn't do anything about Demarai Gray's ludicrous goal, made a very good save to prevent an almost-copy, and managed not to fall over his own central defender this week. Hooray!
Antonio Valencia: 7
Extremely competent in both directions. Which is, we suspect, exactly what Jose Mourinho wants from his full-backs.
Eric Bailly: 6
Didn't have much to do, did it well enough.
Chris Smalling: 7
Didn't have much to do, did it well enough. Gets an extra point over his partner for nutting home the opening goal.
Daley Blind: 8
Kept the dangerous Riyad Mahrez quiet for 45 minutes, and set up three goals from corners, which we think technically makes him United's best set piece taker since David Beckham. Marcos Rojo is now at least third-choice at left-back, and Blind is probably guaranteed a first-team spot whoever else plays.
Ander Herrera: 8
While we must temper all our excitement by acknowledging that Leicester were, from 1-0 until half-time, total rubbish, this felt a bit like a statement performance from Ander Herrera. That statement being: I'm a really good central midfielder that can contribute defensively and offensively, so stop picking Marouane Fellaini, please and thank you.
Paul Pogba: 8
Seems a bit odd to spend £89m on a specialist header of the ball, but who are we to judge? And all that lovely passing was a delightful bonus.
Jesse Lingard: 6
Precisely the kind of performance — busy and hard-working — that makes us suspect Lingard is going to play quite a lot of football under Mourinho. Nearly cocked up the second goal by over-nudging the ball to Mata, but we'll let him off.
Juan Mata: 8
A consummate playing making performance capped off with a wonderful goal, which Mata directed and finished. Quite the finish, too, since he had to get his foot round the ball while keeping it down.
Marcus Rashford: 7
"rashford" (verb): to kick a football into the top of the goal net from a distance of approximately two feet; eg. Wayne Rooney, on as a substitute, rashforded home Everton's consolation.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic: 8
His best all-round game since joining the club, despite the lack of a goal. Give him pace to work with, and his roaming brief looks less like indulgence, and more like the centre of a functional and dangerous attacking unit.
Michael Carrick (on for Lingard, 78'): —
Though he played well midweek, the obvious role for Carrick in this United squad is as a late-game controller, brought on to shut games down. Which he did. Hooray!
Wayne Rooney (on for Rashford, 83'): —
As afternoons go, it couldn't have gone worse for United's captain. First he was dropped, then every single player in every one of his possible positions — all-action midfielder, playmaker, centre forward, corner-kick taker, and hey, why not, captain — turned in their best performance of the season, then his first touch was a miscontrol of such clunking proportions that it turned into a shot, and then his manager came out and told the world that he really enjoyed all the pacey players. Poor Roondog.
Ashley Young (on for Mata, 87'): —
Totally forgot this happened, to be honest. Sorry Ashley.
Explanatory note: while this isn't a particularly precise business, we're not going to start handing out 9s and 10s for a game in which the opposition basically didn't turn up. 9s and 10s have to be earned.