Exciting news, everybody! Manchester United’s best player is back! Yes, Marcos Rojo is in contention to feature against Newcastle United — what? Oh, right. Fine.

Amazing news, everybody! Manchester United’s best player is back! Yes, Zlatan Ibrahimovic is in contention to feature against OKAY FINE FINE WE’LL DO IT PROPERLY.

Ahem. Paul Pogba’s back.

HOORAY

We don’t want to heap too much praise on one player, but it’s no exaggeration to say that this season, with Pogba in the team, United have looked like one of the greatest football sides in the history of the game. Without him, they’ve looked like toenail clippings. So his return is, well, quite exciting. Even if he’s only the bench, we except United to look 37% more watchable.

Incidentally, Rojo and Ibrahimovic are both back as well. Given Mourinho’s alternated between a back three, and a back four without any fixed left-back, we can presumably expect to see the Argentinian defender back in action soon. As for Ibrahimovic, if you’re not excited by the thought of him playing behind Romelu Lukaku, with runners on either side, then you might be clinically dead. Sorry about that.