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Manchester United will pay A GAZILLION SQUILLION pounds for Neymar, apparently

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With the international break on, the rumour mill makes a brave attempt to keep us all amused.

FC Barcelona v Valencia CF - La Liga Photo by Alex Caparros/Getty Images

To Spain! While most of the world languishes in this endless, lightless international break, Manchester United's representatives have been busy little bees. Jose Mourinho's been on the telephone, apparently, whispering sweet nothing into the perfect ears of Barcelona's number 11, Neymar.

According to Sport (via Dr. G. Translate):

[Manchester United] is already looking to reinforce itself for next season and wants Neymar to become the team's new flag. A real threat looms over FC Barcelona. The trident is in serious danger.

And:

Mourinho, coach of the team, is the one who orchestrates the operation and who speaks directly to the Brazilian player. Phone calls are regular to convince him that leaving the FC Barcelona and go to Manchester United would be a step forward in his sports career because it would allow him to grow without having to live in the shadow of Messi.

Which sounds a lot like tapping up to us, but everybody stopped caring about that a few years ago. Anyway, apparently United are going to pay Neymar's release clause of 200 million euros and pay him 25 million a season. At some point, as they get bigger, numbers just stop making sense, don't they?

All this excitement is placed into some sort of context by the end of the article, which notes that Neymar is perfectly happy in Barcelona and Manchester United, at the moment, aren't very good. We have no doubt that United would like to add Neymar if possible. We know that the club have vast swimming pools of petty cash. But you should probably hold fire on that NEYMAR UNITED 11 tattoo. Just for the moment.