It is an alarmingly slow news day, so I can only apologise for what comes next.
Paul Pogba, the Manchester United midfielder, and Romelu Lukaku, the Everton striker, sat next to each other in the same room. You must understand what that means, right? A £60m summer move is plainly both on the cards and inevitable.
In bigger news, Jose Mourinho has said that David de Gea has a slight injury, which is the reason that Sergio Romero played against Sunderland and could feature again against Anderlecht. The bigger news, though, is that Jose Mourinho isn't pleased with De Gea's performances since he came back from international duty with Spain.
Also tucked in at the end of the story is that Adnan Januzaj will be sold in the summer, as he has failed to do anything good for almost three seasons.
And on another site which will remain nameless until you click the lick and then see the name, or hover over the hyperlink and see the name, or read the words ESPN FC here, there's a suggestion that De Gea and Antonio Valencia will actually return to the first team on Thursday night. Incidentally, I'll be at that game, so please do not say hello if you see me.
Lastly, here is a slideshow on the Express about a few players we apparently want to sign. That's very nice of them, but it really does show just how far we've fallen in trying to actually find something to read.