Manchester United agree Victor Lindelöf deal

What kind of two-bit, know-nothing, fumbling, amateur outfit announces major transfers at nine o’clock on a Saturday night? Come on, people. Some of us had moved onto our third shandy of the evening and were in no state to process, much less blog about, the fact that Manchester United have announced their first major signing of the summer.

Still, we’re here now, and we can tell you that United have reached an “agreement” with Benfica for the transfer of versatile Swedish defender Victor Lindelöf. Assuming personal terms can be agreed and a medical can be passed — which, y’know, seems reasonable to expect — then Lindelöf will be moving to Old Trafford to compete with Chris Smalling, Phil Jones, and Eric Bailly for a central defensive spot.

A competition we’d expect him to win, given Smalling’s shakiness last season, and Jones’s ongoing inability to avoid hitting himself in the face with a ladder, stepping in a bucket of whitewash, and falling down the stairs. Any regular Benfica watchers out there want to clue the Busby Babe in how good this lad is? The shandy’s starting to wear off ...