Manchester United close in on Fabinho

According to this story in the Mirror, Manchester United are closing in on Monaco's defensive midfielder Fabinho. A fee of £35 has been mentioned, and it should be said that there is literally no way that he could be worse than Marouane Fellaini's midfield effort. All he needs to do is not boot people around in the penalty spot.

Manchester United could miss out on Monaco striker Kylian Mbappe. It appears that Paris Saint-Germain have wanged a load of cash at their rivals in an attempt to beat Real Madrid and Arsenal to the punch.

Manchester United want Jordi Alba, it seems. There are difficulties in the proposed transfer. I'm going to guess that the problem is that Alba wants to stay at one of the best clubs in the world, and doesn't want to move to one of the very worst countries in the entire world, and would rather not risk his World Cup place while getting shouted at by Jose Mourinho. That's my guess. You can read the actual reasons here, though, if you don't want to just take my word for it.

Manchester United are considering offers for Adnan Januzaj, with Real Sociedad being the most likely destination. There be some kind of buyback clause, but the chances of needing to exercise it, after Januzaj has gone to absolute piddle, seem unlikely in the extreme.

And lastly, because there is absolutely no news this week in Manchester United, I present to you this absolute cack with no further comment.