Ivan Perisic no longer for sale — reports

Back down the transfer rabbit hole we go. And since it's been a relatively quiet day, we're going to have to make do with a double-layer of reportedly. According to football-italia.net (no idea, really), Sky Sports Italia (we don't watch) are saying that Internazionale may not have to sell Ivan Perišić after all.

It's all to do with Financial Fair Play rules. Inter had to raise €30m by today, and the easiest way to do that would be to flog Perišić to Manchester United. Because United have loads of money and Perišić, hard-working and versatile, absolutely reeks of Mourinho.

However, they may have come up with the money by other means. Various smaller deals have taken place involving a number of other clubs, including the intriguingly mercurial Éver Banega, who's going back to Sevilla. Which apparently means that they don't need to sell Perišić (or Marcelo Brozović, another supposed United target) and so ... they won't.

If you ask us, it sounds like a ruse to get more money out of Ed Woodward. We're onto you, Inter! And luckily, there's no way our Eddie would ever fall for something so simple. Isn't that right, Ed? Ed? Ed! Step away from the cash point! Step away — oh god, it's too late. Somebody get the wheelbarrow.