Robbie Fowler talks rot again

Scouser Robbie Fowler has - and this will suprise you - said that he is suspicious of the worth of the deal for Romelu Lukaku to Manchester United from Everton. Quite why anyone would pay particular attention to someone who (understandably, given that the rules are the rules when it comes to Manchester and Liverpool) will never want United to succeed, I don't know. Yet here we are, and here I am commenting on it, perhaps only to underline the futility of existence in another way, to add to the myriad we had yesterday.

Professional wanker Martin Samuel has also had his say on Lukaku. While his point might stand, it presupposes that United won't give him better service than Everton did, that United won't be better equipped against better sides, and that Lukaku won't do any better. Samuel is a tedious, bitter man with only a toast rack on Sunday Supplement to keep him company. For too long he has pulled in absurd wages for relentless guff. He is, at least, an inspiration for what the rest of us should be aiming for. He has not let a chronic lack of insight and intellect hold him back in this world.

Romelu Lukaku has learned well from the Angel Di Maria school of bullshit. Lukaku asked, "Who would say no to the biggest club in the world?" and the answer is, "Not many people, Real Madrid must be fantastic to play for at the moment. But, if you meant Manchester United, then the answer is: "You, had Chelsea made a bid a month earlier and we hadn't offered your agent a huge wedge as well.""

He's gone. After five years of doggerel, he's finally gone. No longer do we have to wonder why on Earth this wastrel is given the time of days. Five good seasons, then holding the side back. A huge waste of talent, and it doesn't seem to have made him especially happy. Sad!

And, as he prepares for life behind bars, Luka Modric has told James Rodriguez it would be a step down to go from Real to United. Well, it would be a step down to go from Madrid to a Croatian prison - there's some advice for you.