Exciting news from Spain: according to Marca, Real Madrid have reached an agreement to sign Kylian Mbappé from Monaco. The fee is being mooted at around €180m —

€180m

€180m

€180m

— which is a number so large we’re having trouble comprehending it. 90m Michus, let’s go with that. For a player who has barely had one full season as a professional. Isn’t football fun?

Anyway, this is obviously a huge deal for the entire footballing world, and one question rises above all others. What does this earth-shattering, sky-shredding, space-collapsing transfer mean for Manchester United?

1. Nothing much

Well, Real Madrid play in Spain and Monaco play in France. So one getting better and one getting richer isn’t really of any particular relevance to United’s Premier League campaign, which is the most important part of this season. There’s always the chance of a Champions League game against one or other, of course, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Does mean he isn’t moving to Arsenal, Liverpool, or Chelsea though, all of whom have been vaguely and tenuously linked with him at some point this summer. That’s nice.

2. Oh, hang on, Paul Pogba will no longer hold the world transfer record

There’s always the suggestion that pressure that comes with such a tag, though Pogba seems extremely well-equipped to deal with any such nonsense by alternately ignoring and playing up to it. TBB suspects that Pogba’s mixed performances last season were more to do with his teammates being rubbish and his complete lack of a preseason than any notional burden.

And hey! It makes €75m for Romelu Lukaku, an experienced striker with several seasons of regular goalscoring behind him, look rather like a bargain.

3. Ed Woodward will no longer have paid the world transfer record

Oh. Oh dear. STEP AWAY FROM THE CHEQUEBOOK, EDDIE.

4. Somebody is definitely going to reheat the Gareth Bale rumours

Yeah, that’s going to happen. M into BBC doesn’t go, after all, and Mbappe won’t be signing to sit on the bench. Three from four: Mbappé, Bale, Karim Benzema and Cristiano Ronaldo? Tricky.

Although since Bale generally misses a few games through injury, and Ronaldo’s learned that rotation isn’t just something that happens to other people, perhaps Zinedine Zidane might be able to get away with it for a season. Won’t stop the rumours, of course; they’ll be flying again by this evening. And we wouldn’t rule out United making it clear to Bale that if he does decide to leave, he’ll have a home in Manchester ...

No! EDDIE! PUT THE CHEQUEBOOK DOWN AND THINK ABOUT THINGS FOR A SECOND.

5. Mostly still nothing, though

Yeah. Slow news day.

6. ANNOUNCE PERISIC