On the Guardian, the often-excellent David Squires has reviewed the 1996 season. While this barely qualifies as news, it does qualify as something that references Manchester United. And, as I can exclusively reveal to you, this is a Manchester United fan blog. As such, I have the authority and responsibility to link any and every related piece of guff that I see fit. You can see the cartoon here.
According to the Telegraph, Everton are planning to create the slowest strikeforce in football when they prise Wayne Rooney from Manchester United. They are going to offer him a quarter of a million pounds a week, and United are going to let him go on a free to make sure he's ejected from the side. He's been withdrawn from United's squad to go on their summer tour, so expect things to progress quickly if this is all true. To offset the very slow Rooney, Everton are interested in teaming him with the explosive, lightning-quick Olivier Giroud. Yeah.
Across the road, the neighbours are leaving Joe Hart behind from their own tour, meaning there's still a chance for Ed Woodward to shake football to its core by securing his signature, as has been worryingly rumoured for the best part of two months now.
Alex Ferguson has taken it upon himself to call Mino Raiola a shitbag. Whether that is true or not is up for debate, and no doubt plenty of people might be tempted to agree with his perception of the agent, you have to wonder how politic it is for Ferguson, still embedded at Old Trafford, to call one of the most powerful agents in football a shitbag. Still, he always does what is best for United.
The stories of Jose Mourinho's frustration with Woodward are spreading, this time to the Independent. With Real Madrid holding out for £72m for Alvaro Morata and still potentially interested in David de Gea, things are getting dicey for the absolute clown with the chequebook.