Another Ivan Perisic to Manchester United rumour

Oh look, another Ivan Perisic rumour. It’s so enjoyable to see that we are still dithering over bringing in a player that would improve us and that would give us a chance of winning the Premier League. Ed Woodward really is an unbelievable clown. The great story about this is that even if the story isn’t true, there’s more than enough evidence for Woodward to be accurately declared an unbelievable clown.

Nemanja Matic is able to talk fripperies with the best of them. He has declared that Manchester United are the biggest club that he has played for. Well done for him for not saying, ‘Well, technically, Chelslea are backed by an oligarch who spends as much as he chooses to or not. And they make more money from transfers, plus, you know, Vladimir Putin could have me killed.”

Eric Bailly has an interview in the Telegraph where he talks about having to look after phone boxes in return for money. Perhaps Donald Trump voters might like to consider what hardship actually is before they sound off with their usual defence of Nazism. What does that have to do with Bailly? Nothing at all.

Mats Hummels is following Juan Mata’s example and will be donating a portion of his wages to charity. Mata really is a lovely bloke, and it’s a shame he’ll join Manchester City on a free transfer in the summer.

Blah Chris Smalling, Manchester United, team spirit, blessed, blah blah blah.

Good news. Luis Suarez, a man so content is his own persecution that he has yet to apologise for racially abusing the second greatest living Frenchman, Patrice Evra, is injured for a month. Let’s hope that injury progresses until he is forced to retire and never speak, be spoken to or spoken of again for the rest of his unnatural life.