Andreas Pereira staying at Manchester United — reports

Despite reported interest from Valencia and a few other places, it looks like Andreas Pereira won’t be heading out on loan this season. According, that is, to Rob Dawson, who has been speaking to his camp:

Having a camp sounds fun. “Would you like a cup of tea?” “Indications from my camp are: yes.”

Anyway, it sounds like the right move to us. He’s not quite the player from the wings that Mourinho wanted, but he had an excellent pre-season tour and is versatile enough to play in several positions, either in midfield or in the attacking line behind Romelu Lukaku. Plus his eyebrows are exceptionally strong.

Actually, since we’re on the subject, let’s look at the midfielders (in the loosest sense) United will likely be using until January. In squad number order: Paul Pogba, Juan Mata, Jesse Lingard, Andreas Pereira, Michael Carrick, Ashley Young, Ander Herrera, Henrikh Mkhitaryan, Marouane Fellaini, Nemanja Matić. Plus the possibility of cameos from a few of the defenders.

You can see why Mourinho isn’t panicking too much: there’s depth, versatility, and not an insignificant amount of talent. But you can also kind of see why he fancied a winger. That’s not the world’s greatest collection of crossers. Ah well.