Manchester United target Spurs left-back Danny Rose

Football expert and towering force of intellect, Jamie Redknapp, has said that if Manchester United bought Gareth Bale they would be able to dominate the league, as Bale would ‘rip apart’ the opposition. It’s hard to argue with Redknapp when he is stating the obvious. The only question about Bale is if he would get enough rest and relaxation to overcome some niggling injury problems - we don’t want another Owen Hargreaves or Bastian Schweinsteiger.

Chelsea and Manchester United simply cannot quit each other. First it was Romelu Lukaku, who Chelsea had expected to sign before he ended up at Romelu Lukaku. Then it was Nemanja Matic, who could end up costing United the best part of £50m if United become successful again. And now, it’s Serge Aurier. Both clubs are expected to compete for the Ivory Coast defender if he can sort out his conviction for assaulting a police officer.

Ed Woodward will absolutely nail the transfer market once again, as the Warren Buffett/John Malone of football takes on the pushover Daniel Levy. The prize? Danny Rose, the perfectly adequate left-back who goes like the clappers and who is more forward than full-back.

In devastating news, Jermaine Pennant has SNUBBED a move to Manchester United in favour of a move to Essex.

Apparently, Mourinho is playing mind games over the Super Cup. I’m not sure that playing mind games over a friendly, against the best side and player in the world, is really worth the energy, but then again I’ve not achieved anything with my life, and Mourinho has.

Here’s some really questionable stuff from Juan Mata. He has said that Manchester United are not that far from being as good as Real Madrid. Perhaps there’s an element of a language barrier, or mistranslation, and he meant that United aren’t that far from Real Madrid because they are both currently in the same city.